The Most Important Lesson My Autistic Students Taught Me

If you are an educator, a therapist, a parent, or anyone who works with an autistic person, there are countless strategies, theories, and techniques you'll learn. But if there’s just one thing I hope you’ll carry with you, one core belief that will guide every interaction, it’s this:

Every behaviour is communication.

That’s it. That’s the foundation. It’s a simple sentence, but it holds the power to change everything. It shifts our perspective from judgment to curiosity, from frustration to empathy.

Our students are always telling us something. The behaviours we observe are not random or meaningless; they are a language. We just have to learn how to listen.

A student reaching for an object isn’t just grabbing. They’re saying: “I want this.”

A student pushing a worksheet away isn’t being defiant. They’re saying: “I don’t like this,” or “This is too hard.”

A student who shuts down or disengages in a loud room isn't being rude. They’re saying: “This is too much for my senses right now.”

Putting on Our Detective Hats

As educators and behaviour analysts, this understanding transforms our role. We are not disciplinarians or taskmasters. We are detectives.

Our job is to search for clues. We look at the scene and ask questions. What happened right before the behaviour? What happened right after? What is going on in the room? Is the lighting too bright? Is there a distracting noise? Is the lesson moving too quickly?

This leads us to the most critical shift in thinking:

Behaviour doesn’t come from the student—it comes from the environment.

Read that again. The behaviour is a response to the world around them. It’s our responsibility, therefore, to examine and change that environment. We aren't trying to change the person; we are creating the conditions where they can feel safe, understood, and able to thrive. We adjust the world around the student, not the other way around.

From Detective Work to Empowerment

Once we’ve identified what a student is trying to communicate, our true work begins. We can then teach them how to advocate for what they need in a way that the world can more easily understand.

We are building a bridge between their internal experience and their external expression. We are teaching them to say:

“I need help.”

“This is difficult.”

“I've had enough.”

This isn't about compliance; it's about empowerment. We are giving our students the tools to navigate a world that wasn't built for them. We are honouring their needs by teaching them the words and methods to get those needs met.

When a student knows they can successfully ask for a break instead of having a meltdown, or get help with a difficult problem instead of shutting down, everything changes. The trust built from that foundation is unbreakable.

And once that foundation of safety, trust, and communication is in place? That’s when the real magic happens. It becomes so much easier to build on their incredible strengths, explore their passions, and integrate what brings them true, authentic joy.

Our goal was never just to manage behaviour. It’s to help a person flourish. And it all starts with listening.